Gaining Dignity, Letting Go of Desperation

The face of impermanence is constantly showing itself.  Why do we struggle to hide it?  Why do we feed the circle of suffering by perpetuating the myth of permanence?  Experiences, friends, relationships, possessions, knowledge – we work so hard to convince ourselves that they will last.  When a cup breaks or we forget something, or somebody dies or the seasons change, we’re surprised.  We can’t believe it’s over.

… Permanence would be awkward.  There would be no beginning and no end . . .   Everything would last forever.  There’d be no seasons.  We’d never be born, grow up, fall in love, have children, grow old or die . . .

No matter how we want to cling to our loved ones, by nature every relationship is a meeting and a parting.  This doesn’t mean we have less love.  It means we have less fixation, less pain. . . we can relax into the ebb and flow of life.

We don’t have to keep imitating an idea of permanent happiness.

Understanding the meaning of impermanence  makes us less desperate people.  It gives us dignity. . .

~ SAKYONG MIPHAM RINPOCHE, Turning the Mind into an Ally

For me this dignity is essential in cultivating a heart of compassion (and Sakyong points to this also).  If my heart is full of fixation there is no room for anything else to exist.   It’s as if this letting go is a first step in taking the focus off of merely myself and opening up to something larger than myself.

I find that embracing the nature of impermanence in the seasons, in financial areas, and relationships to be easier these days.  The impermanence in knowledge is becoming more evident in this information age as “things” we thought to be true are quickly outdated and replaced by new information – it’s funny,  I still hold certain knowledge to be more permanent – I grasp this tighter; I hold on with a closed fist – especially when I do not see the difference between knowledge and my opinion or I try to make a certain knowledge “fixed” rather than unfolding (which happens when I am caught up in my blue or orange development – see Spiral Dynamics).

I hope to cultivate a bit more dignity in this area.
~John

A contemplation on the rarity of human life

Without commentary by me, more wisdom from  Sakyong Mipham from Turning the Mind into an Ally :
“If we think of how many other beings are born here on Earth, it’s amazing that we’re born human.
A traditional Buddhist teaching on the difficulty of obtaining human birth uses the image of a blind tortoise swimming in the ocean that’s as big as the Earth, with an ox’s yoke tossing on the surface. Once every five hundred years the turtle swims up to the surface. The chances of obtaining human birth are said to be as small as the chances of that turtle emerging with its head in the yoke.
. . . we’ve been born in a time and place where we have the luxury of
hearing,
contemplating,
and putting into action
teachings that awaken us to our enlightened mind”

May you be free from pain,
John

12,000 Thoughts

The average person has 12,000 thoughts per day – most of them a recurring handful of unwelcome distractions (source “Still the Mind” –  Bodhipaksa)

I’ve been listening to a download by  SAKYONG MIPHAM RINPOCHE, the author of  “Turning The Mind Into An Ally” and I am enjoying listening to his teaching as it slowly sinks in to my being (it’s been  a lighter look at his elementary teachings). 
The basic gist is about how we do not have to be at odds with unpleasant or unconscious thoughts as they arise – rather it’s about how to have a better relationship with the distracting or unpleasant mind – the same way we have to work through our relationships with others we love, when they are being unpleasant.  Now this is not about dealing with the Shadow, it’s more about the constant way our mind can go on and on and on – the Monkey Chatter.  I felt his “basic” ideas were worth posting and that some of my blog readers would enjoy his teaching.  I find it has been valuable for me; it’s a simple wisdom that has changed my relationship with myself. Here are some of my  paraphrased words from Sakyong’s introductory interview:

Peaceful Abiding is a basic meditation, for harmony within ourselves – with our mind.  Not at odds with our mind, rather with mind as an ally.  For instance, we never know how we are going to wake up (angry, happy, frustrated etc.) and this is the person we are going to have to deal with the rest of the day.  This is who we are in relationship with for that day.  What kind of relationship will we have with this mind/emotion?  If we are not in relationship with our mind – life becomes very difficult.

As a people we generally like to be in control, this is our human condition.  We like thinking we are in control of our thoughts.  As if  it were natural to think certain thoughts only when we want to. 
However, as we sit down to eat we can all of a sudden begin to think about a bill, needing to fix our car, problems at work, how our friend acted like such a bitch, etc. If we were in control, we would say (and be), “So I am sitting down to eat, I will be present with eating and think about the bills, the car, work, my friend, when I want/choose  to think about the bills or the car or work or my bitch friend”. 
Let’s face it – it doesn’t work that way. We don’t have that kind of control.  So we have to be in relationship with our mind.  Is it our enemy or is it our ally?

In Sakyong’s teaching, it is about making the mind pliable, making it flexible.  A hardened and inflexible mind has no room for compassion; it is jealous, angry, holding . . .  What we are in need of,  is a softening.

In allowing distracting thoughts to arise and pass (and there are various ways to do this), in allowing these to be impermanent, we see that the nature of mind at its core – is peaceful abiding, clear, knowing and powerful.  It is our ally. It is part of our true nature.  And this is one of the values in meditating – peaceful abiding.  It’s not some mystical state, it’s our natural state.

It takes courage to be compassionate (even with the self) when you’re consumed with a thought/emotion.  To make peace with one’s mind takes strength and courage and understanding.  It is much easier to give in, than to be brave enough to remain open to change or possibility (especially if we are angry or anxious). Yet this is the possibility that exists in all of us.

Forming an Alliance

Still re-reading  “Turning The Mind Into An Ally” by Sakyong Mipham.  I am so touched by his words.  There is a strength in the concept of creating an alliance, especially when I am in need of softening.  Frustration and Anxiety often appear as though they are in opposition to my mind (which usually leads to restless nights) and then I become hard and inflexible, which does not leave room to foster compassion or love. If I do not form an alliance with my mind, how can I form an alliance with the world around me?  To most of you reading this – this is nothing new,  I just appreciate his wording:

“. . . through peaceful abiding, we can create an alliance that allows us to actually use our mind, rather than be used by it.  This is a practice anyone can do. Although it has its roots in Buddhism, it is a complement to any spiritual tradition.

If we want to undo our bewilderment and suffering and be of benefit to others and the planet, we’re going to have to be responsible for learning what our mind is and how it works, no matter what beliefs we hold. Once we see how our mind works, we see how our life works too. That changes us.

… the more we understand about ourselves and how the mind works, the more the mind can work “

Come out, come out wherever you are

During the small time it took to post this, I was paying attention to typing, thinking about what I was going to have for breakfast, what I was going to wear to work, and if one of my coworkers was going to make trouble for my staff:

Ahhh my untamed mind.

Here is a quote from Sakyong Mipham who wrote one of my favorite books, “Turning the Mind into an Ally“:

“In looking for my mind, I discovered that it seems to be in many different places. Sometimes it is drinking a glass of water, remembering swimming in the summer, feeling the breeze. In this contemplation I observed that the self is more elusive than I thought.”

 

get over it already

There is a quote I came across from Mark Epstein, while I was scanning over his book “Thoughts Without A Thinker” again (btw – I recommend any of his books).
For me,  this thought is not only central to any type of spiritual practice or discipline, it is also central to achieving psychological health.  While psychology is a fairy new discipline and Buddhism is over 2,000 years old – isn’t it funny how relevant this idea of over-identification is to the human experience and how certain schools of thought keep bringing it up?
I can’t even begin to blog how often I over-identify with my thoughts or feelings (let alone how easy it is for me to see it in other people before I notice it in myself). Or how I try to find some damn “meaning” in a feeling or thought so I can make sense of it or understand it.
(this is truly the dilemma for anyone suffering from a  Bipolar disorder or the general narcissism found in society – it’s what marketing firms and advertisers count on yeah?)

It’s just a feeling.
It’s just a thought.
They arise and they pass . . .
Why do we try to so hard make them permanent and concrete?
Why is it so difficult to just observe them?
(Again, this is why I practice sitting.  Or at least one of many reasons I practice)

Enjoy Mark’s perspective on this:

“Because of our craving, the Buddha is saying, we want things to be understandable.

We reduce, concretize, or substantialize experiences or feelings, which are, in their very nature, fleeting or evanescent. In so doing, we define ourselves by our moods and by our thoughts.

We do not just let ourselves be happy or sad, for instance; we must become a happy person or a sad one.

This is the chronic tendency of the ignorant or deluded mind, to make ‘things’ out of that which is no thing.

Seeing craving shatters this predisposition; it becomes preposterous to try to see substance where there is none.”

Let your mind become like a fog at sunset

Divinity has one ultimate secret, which it will also whisper in your ear if your mind becomes quieter than the fog at sunset: the God of this world is found within, and you know it is found within: in those hushed silent times when the mind becomes still, the body relaxes into infinity, the senses expand to become one with the world-

in those glistening times, a subtle luminosity, a serene radiance, a brilliantly transparent clarity shimmers as the true nature of all manifestation, erupting every now and then in a compassionate Radiance before whom all idols retreat,

a love so fierce it adoringly embraces both light and dark, both good and evil, both pleasure and pain equally….

~ Ken Wilber
Source: “Simple Feeling of Being”

(and this is one reason why when I do not sit regularly in meditation, life is not the same.  And when I do sit,  life is not the same – John)

You in the front row, sit down and watch the show

When we take the one seat on our meditation cushion we become our own monastery.

We create the compassionate space that allows for the arising of all things: sorrows, loneliness, shame, desire, regret, frustration, happiness.

Spiritual transformation is a profound process that doesn’t happen by accident. We need a repeated discipline, a genuine training, in order to let go of our old habits of mind and to find and sustain a new way of seeing. To mature on the spiritual path we need to commit ourselves in a systematic way. My teacher Achaan Chah described this commitment as “taking the one seat.” He said,

“Just go into the room and put one chair in the center. Take the seat in the center of the room, open the doors and the windows and see who comes to visit.

You will witness all kinds of scenes and actors, all kinds of temptations and stories, everything imaginable.

Your only job is to stay in your seat.

You will see it all arise and pass, and out of this, wisdom and understanding will come.”

~ Jack Kornfield,  A Path with Heart

I say, I say, look-ee here boy

There is only One Time when it is Essential to Awaken.
That time is Now.

~ Jack Kornfield, Buddha’s Little Instruction Book

(what can I say, I sleep a lot  – John)

We don’t need to be particularly saintly in order to be compassionate

Seeing the suffering in the world around us and in our own bodies and minds, we begin to understand suffering not only as an individual problem, but as a universal experience.

It is one of the aspects of being alive. The question that then comes to mind is: If compassion arises from the awareness of suffering, why isn’t the world a more compassionate place?

The problem is that often our hearts are not open to feel the pain. We move away from it, close off, and become defended. By closing ourselves off from suffering, however, we also close ourselves to our own wellspring of compassion.

We don’t need to be particularly saintly in order to be compassionate. Compassion is the natural response of an open heart, but that wellspring of compassion remains capped as long as we turn away from or deny or resist the truth of what is there.

When we deny our experience of suffering, we move away from what is genuine to what is fabricated, deceptive and confusing.

–Joseph Goldstein, Seeking the Heart of Wisdom

Worst Enemy / Best Friend

Our  own worst enemy cannot harm us as much as our unwise thoughts.
No one can help us as much as our own compassionate thoughts.
~ Jack Kornfield, Buddha’s Little Instruction Book

Thank you for all the well wishes, offers, chants and prayers.  I am feeling much better, just a bit fatigued now.  Many Blessings,  John

The Mindfulness of being Sick

Just some observations of being consumed with a fever “on and off” for the last 14 days:

I love to escape –
get lost in a DVD in order to forget how I am feeling
or use food to self nurture

I am very resistant to being ill
It’s difficult to focus on normal routine things when sick
It’s easy to be aware of other areas when you just go with the illness and stop resisting

There’s a fine line between focusing on health and accepting what is

Dreams are crazy during a fever
I am very aware of my body
I am very aware of taste
Fresh food is a gift and a miracle
Acheyness and being grumpy are a natural pairing for me
I am very aware of breathing
Breathwork is easier when I’m well
Cool showers are a tactile delight (and I tend to rush through them when healthy)
Wow, I’m really not that aware when I’m not sick

I’m really not missing all that much when I don’t access the internet
I spend too much time on the internet when I’m healthy
People on tv are really consumed with Chris Brown, Rhianna and Octomom
“Match Game” reruns make me laugh (and feel better)

I miss my dog
My neighbor can be very loud
I’m sensitive to light and sound
My home gets messy fast when I don’t have energy to clean
Laundry piles up quick when you sweat a lot
I don’t like a messy or dirty house much

I have a very compassionate doctor
I have some very compassionate coworkers
I suck at slowing down and taking rest when my body tells me to
My mother is horrible at masking her concern/fears and it’s sweet to listen to her try to sound cheerful

I take a good night’s sleep for granted, way to often
I have a love/hate relationship with antibiotics
It’s hard to let go of work issues

I look forward to being well again
I miss exercising
Walking is never a chore when I’m healthy
I’m happy it’s raining and cool

“To do” list

After 8 days of a fever and various other side effects, my body and mind are returning to normal (whatever the hell that is).
I am thankful.
I am smiling.
Now to get back to my “to do” list.  (I borrowed this one from Jack Kornfield)

Things to do today:
Exhale
Inhale
Exhale
Ahhhhhhhhh