Holy Crap

The more I take time to sit, the more I make time to do my QiGong, the more I take time to pay attention to the activties in everyday moments – like when I am eating a piece of food and turn my attention to this activity, rather than wander off in my head or in front of the TV as I shovel food in my mouth –  the more I relax into who I am beyond my ego.

Slowing down, emptying out and paying attention have some wonderful side effects (lowering blood pressure, destressing, muscles becoming less tense, etc.).  An often overlooked benefit however,  is a wide-openness in  relationship with the self.   Sounds great, huh? (ok, now I’m chuckling – or is it snickering?)

You see,  I do not subscribe to a romantasized view of enlightment (or love) so at first this openness may not exactly seem like a benefit.  Because just as with any relationship we have that grows deeper, the relationship with the self as it opens, brings to the surface all the dark stuff, all the shit, all the obstacles – anxieties, triggers, the raw-ness, the mistrust that comes from being in love and getting closer.  It’s honesty – a being honest with who you are in an integrated wholeness.  I take me as I am,  not just the enlightened stuff, warts and all (or is it “ego” and all?)

Sticking with it – like a committment I’d have with any other love relationship – and being sure to treat myself with kindness, compassion and honesty allows me to be the container that can hold these areas as they arise.

So while we may all believe we need to love ourselves more, I am reminded what real love entails.  It means being with the shit.  Not ignoring it or reacting to it.  This is true with the others I love as well as myself.  And lets face it, if that type of development were easy we’d all be in enlightened relationships . . .

So I continue to sit
(and watch the Stuart Davis show on the web – I like how he integrates the shadow and I usually always laugh – especially the show on “The Secret”)


5 Responses to “Holy Crap”

  1. 1 Todd
    January 6, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    “Thoughts become things you guys.”

  2. January 6, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    I am a bleeding heart romantic. Both my husband and I sit, daily, twice a day, and our relationship just keeps getting better and better. Sure, the shit arises occasionally, but we handle it better and it lasts a fraction of the time it used to. Water off a duck’s back.
    It just keeps getting better. BTW, where did you find the quote about opening the hand and dropping the piece of dead wood (or however it went?)


  3. 3 johnherberger
    January 6, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    Todd – I love that Stuart Davis quote re: “The Secret” – I am still laughing, ssssshhhhhhh ppfffttttt haha. (I’m laughing at your Latinboyz post I deleted too – you damn Irish decendent bastard). I am going to spray lavender on my pillow tonight HAHA – (and guess what, that’s not a joke, I really will)

    Molly, so you are a bleeding heart romantic huh? Not me, not at all!! I am probably too much a realist. But it’s ok for me not to romantasize enlightenment or relationships. I actually love embracing the shit that comes up – with myself and with others (well at least I like it today *wink*). It’s very refreshing and real for me and is honestly easy to be okay with, once I embrace the “crap”. I just have a tendency to deny it, so it’s kind of enlightening (and fun) to wrap my arms around it. This too may pass. Maybe not.
    Not sure who originially said the “open hand quote” without going back to look at who I sited (at least I hope I sited it, and gave credit where it was due) but it is a great quote, huh.

    Have a great one you two,

  4. 4 Uku
    January 19, 2009 at 11:11 am


    well, this post of yours is truly honest post indeed! Great job! “It means being with the shit”, “So I continue to sit”. Excellent! 🙂

    Everything is just as it is and shit is just shit and in the end, shit is as beautiful as arising sun and others so-called beautiful things! It’s all in our minds and deluded mind doesn’t see shit as beautiful. Shit happens though.

    Thank you, Dharmabro!

    With palms together,

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Live'n Aloha on Maui.
Lately just posting pics, artwork, vids, & music with just a headline (less seems to be more).
Into Wilber, Beck, Zen Stuffs, Spiritual Concepts, Philosophy and Humor (kinda geeky humor).
Currently attempting to strengthen my meditation skills (this has been a 20 yr process).
Thanks for stopp'n by and please leave a comment. Poz or Neg, all comments welcome.
"I don't like Spam" (said with a British accent)

January 2009
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